To Tell The Truth Series 01 Spirit Guide Page 2
Chakotay shook his head at the display. No matter how many times he saw these two go through this routine, it always made him smile. Kathryn is right, he realised. Tom Paris is a big marshmallow inside, especially when it comes to Voyager's only child.
"What you doing, Cucumber?" Tom asked, cuddling her in his lap and delivering the rest of their routine.
"I'm not a cucumber."
"Are you sure?" He pointedly looked at the dark green play outfit she so loved and was wearing at the moment. "You sure look like one."
"No," she giggled. "You're silly."
Tom looked aghast. "Me silly? Never! I'm not the one who thinks they're a vegetable."
Naomi began giggling harder as he tickled her.
The Commander shook his head. Paris could charm the birds out of the trees, as the old saying went. No woman was immune to that charm, regardless of age.
"Hey, Tom! You can move now you know!" Harry yelled from across the terrace.
Not missing a beat, the pilot stood and slung the squirming little girl over his left shoulder, left arm around her waist to hold her in place. The smile on his face vanished for a minute as he looked at the Commander.
"Tomorrow, after shift."
"Fine."
He nodded once then the smile reappeared as he tickled Naomi's bare feet. She giggled and squirmed as Tom walked off with her to join his best friend.
-------
The next evening, Chakotay was wondering if this was such a good idea after all. True, if there were anyone on Voyager who could do with some inner peace and guidance it was Tom Paris, but did he honestly want to share this aspect of himself with the cocky pilot? There were a precious few on the ship with whom he had shared this experience. B'Elanna, Kathryn, a couple of the Maquis, none others than those to whom he felt closest. Even now, after over four years of knowing the mercurial young man, he remained uncertain if he even liked him, let alone felt close to him. Not that anyone other than B'Elanna and Harry could say they were close to Tom Paris. The man simply refused to let anyone other than them in. Too many people who had been let in must have hurt him, Kathryn always told him when they argued about Chakotay's attitude towards her personal reclamation project. He would admit it probably was the truth yet it did not make things easier. Tom Paris had the most disconcerting ability to get up his nose, as an old friend of his in the Maquis would have said. Given that fact alone, would Chakotay be able to exercise the type of patience that might be needed in teaching him how to do this?
He paused in the act of setting out the things he would need for Tom's journey. 'His patience? What about Tom's? At times a bulkhead had more patience than he did.' His mind flew back to the incident with B'Elanna on the Mari home world. When she had been sentenced to having her thoughts purged Tom had been all for busting her out regardless of the Starfleet and Mari rules that action would have broken. 'Could he actually control himself long enough to permit things to happen as they should with the ritual?
'Why was Tom *really* doing this anyway?' he wondered. 'Because he lost a bet with B'Elanna? That may have bruised his ego, but it was nothing that had not happened before. The pair's battles were legendary on Voyager. Rarely would one concede to the other before he or she had no other option but to do so. Bets, dares and the like were common enough between them and whichever one lost invariably had a brief bout of the sulks then things would return to normal.
'This, however, was a rather enormous step for Paris to take. The idea of him actually admitting he wanted to change something about himself was a shock. True, he always admitted his failings, but it usually was accompanied by a metaphorical resigned sigh. "This is the way I am. I can't change it. You just have to accept it like I do," it seemed to say.
'He has made some self-improvements,' Chakotay's conscience pointed out. 'Tom has grown up considerably over the past four years on Voyager.'
'Yet always on his own,' he argued, 'never consciously requesting someone else's intervention, never deliberately opening himself to the criticism everyone tacitly understood had accompanied his father's attempts to improve the failings he perceived in the younger Paris. Why would that change now?'
Frowning, he wished he had found the time to consult with his spirit guide about Paris. Perhaps with her reassurance he would not be having these doubts. The door chimed. Too late to do it now. His new student had arrived.
"Come."
The man who entered obviously was exhausted and more than slightly ill at ease.
"Tom? You okay?"
He nodded, unconsciously straightening. "Double shift with the Doc. Pop quiz."
"How'd you do?"
"I passed with flying colours." The cocky grin which normally would have accompanied such a statement was absent, proving how worn out he was. "The Doc took it as an indication my studies weren't challenging me enough and immediately dumped a double load of lessons on me." He shook his head. "Sometimes I swear he actually sets me up to fail so he can lecture me about buckling down to my studies."
Chakotay smiled. "You know that's not true."
Tom half smiled. "I know. Just like I know he's just trying to train me the best he can."
"And you find that frustrating."
"Sometimes. Look, can we start."
"You're in a hurry?"
"I'd just like to start."
Closely watched Tom's face, the Commander took a seat in the armchair. "Why exactly are you doing this, Tom?"
"Excuse me?"
"It's a simply question. Why are you so anxious to do this?"
Tom couldn't meet Chakotay's eyes. "Curiosity."
"Curiosity because B'Elanna, myself, and a few others have experienced this you want to know what the big deal is?"
"Sure."
Had Tom met his eyes and Chakotay not heard the almost longing in his voice the night before when he had spoken of the calmness Chakotay possessed, he might have taken that at face value. But Tom didn't and Chakotay had so he didn't.
"That might be part of the reason," the Commander conceded, "but I think there's more to this than you're saying."
The younger man made for the door. "Let's just forget this."
"Tom." The firm tone made him stop. "I just want to know if you are doing this for the right reasons."
Tom was silent.
"If you honestly wish to find out some things about yourself and help yourself, then fine, I'll help you," he allowed, patience almost non-existent as was the norm for his dealings with this man. "If you are doing this thinking you can gain all this self control from your spirit guide then challenge B'Elanna to a rematch of last night's bet, it's not the right reason. Your spirit guide will not come to you if you are not ready to meet it." His ears strained to hear what the man muttered to himself under his breath. "What, Tom?"
The pilot squared his shoulders. Clearly, he was considering whether to repeat his thought or not. Finally, he chose the former. "If I have one."
"One what? Spirit guide?" Chakotay was incredulous. "Of course you have one. Everyone does."
There was a mirthless snort from the other man yet he said nothing.
"Tom... I'm at a loss. I don't know how to assure you about something which depends so heavily on faith. You'll just have to trust me when I tell you everyone has one, even you."
The silence continued. This time the older man held his tongue, permitting the pilot to wrestle with himself over whether he could bring himself to trust his Commander's assurances or not. At last he turned and nodded once, eyes on the floor.
"So if you aren't convince you even have one, why are you doing this?" Chakotay pressed again.
"I don't know why." Tom amended his comment when the silence from the other man indicated that answer was not good enough. "I feel like I have to. Don't ask anymore."
Knowing this was the most he was liable to hear, the Commander rose from the chair. "We'll sit down there and begin."
Clearly relieved, Tom assumed the indicated place on the floo
r while Chakotay lit two aromatic candles on the coffee table and called for the lights to dim. Once the Commander had joined him on the floor, he listened without comment for many minutes as the meditation process was explained to him.
For the first time in their history together, Chakotay actually saw true fear in Tom's eyes when they lifted to his at the end of his explanation. "You won't be there, too?" The question came out sounding like that of a five-year-old contemplating his first day of school with dread.
"This is your quest, not mine, Tom. Your spirit guide might not come to you if I am there." He laid a hand on Tom's shoulder. "There is nothing to fear, Tom. Nothing bad. Trust me."
His eyes dropped to the device Chakotay had wrapped before him moments earlier. There was the single nod again.
The sense of uneasiness, which had begun before Tom had arrived, stayed with Chakotay as he and his new student performed the necessary rituals for the first time together. 'There was nothing to fear,' Chakotay told himself. 'Everything is fine.'
'So why are you afraid?' he asked himself.
To that, he had no answer.
-------
In the nanosecond before he opened his eyes, Tom knew he did not want to be wherever he was. He felt the cold and damp seeping through his clothing, the utter silence deafening his ears. This place was too quiet, eerily quiet. The hairs on the back of his neck stood straight up. His troubled blue eyes flew open. His stance fell into the defensive crouch he had perfected after countless hours of Klingon martial arts.
He was deep inside a dark forest. Everywhere he looked he saw huge, Redwood sized tree trunks, dense, dark green foliage and inky black shadows. Dark earth tones were the only colours here- deep browns, greens and blacks. No other colours. No flowers. No animals. No life other than the trees, the scrub brush, and him.
Despite that, his senses told him he was not alone. He could not hear or see or even smell anyone else yet he knew they were there. Many "they"s actually. And "they" were coming closer with every passing second.
Fear like he had never known suddenly coursed through him. The man who boldly had stared down a mob of murderous criminals in the Akritirian prison to protect Harry Kim began to tremble. The young man who resolutely had faced a hostile panel of admirals at his court-martial began to sweat. The boy who silently had accepted a disapproving father's harsh words began to hyperventilate. The frightened animal who was Tom Paris began to run.
-------
For Chakotay, still seated across from Tom's body, the trembling, sweating, and laboured breathing was a mildly alarming, though not an entirely unheard of, reaction. He remembered when he was a little boy and he, one of his second cousins, and two of their friends had disobeyed their elders and sneaked out one night to observe the older brother of one of the friends who was on his first Vision Quest. He had been like this, but it had been from days of wandering the wilderness outside of their settlement, following the complex, ancient rituals which would permit him to commune with the spirits. The scientist in Chakotay would admit the combination of exhaustion, deprivation of water and food, and the intake of certain psychoactive herbs was more the root of his friend's brother's bedraggled and manic appearance than the communing part. That was not the case for Tom.
'Or was it?' he wondered. 'A double shift in Sickbay. A pop quiz followed by intensive studying. And hadn't Tom made some apology to Neelix at the staff meeting that morning before his shifts about having to leave the party early last night because of some personal crisis with one of his pilots? That would explain his reaction. Exhaustion plus quite probably skipping meals to study plus the nervousness about doing something outside of his realm of experience could equal this sort of reaction.'
Deciding everything probably was progressing as it should; Chakotay rose from the floor. His intention all along had been to catch up on some reports while he waited for Tom to return. The soft sound of the door chime forestalled that plan. The Commander rushed over to answer the door for fear the sound would interrupt his student.
"Kathryn." He unceremoniously tugged her far enough back into the corridor to ensure his quarters' door closed.
"Chakotay?"
"I'm sorry, Kathryn, but Tom's in there and I don't want him disturbed right now."
Her auburn coloured brows nearly disappeared into her hairline. "Tom?"
"Yes."
"In your quarters?"
"Yes."
"What did he do to B'Elanna and what did you do to him because of it?"
Chakotay chuckled along with her. "Nothing and nothing." He thought for a moment about whether he should intrude on Tom's privacy by telling the Captain what he was doing. In the end, he did not have to choose.
Kathryn's nose wrinkled delicately. "Chakotay?"
"Yes?"
"That smell." Her eyes leapt to his. "The candles. Tom's... You're showing him how to...."
"Yes."
"Whose idea was that?"
"His, believe it or not."
"Huh. What do you know?"
"It took me a bit by surprise as well but here he is."
"And how's it going?"
"Fine, I think."
"You think?"
"Well, he isn't having the easy time of it that you and most everyone else I've ever seen do this have but-"
"What exactly what kind of time is he having?" The mother hen in her was in full evidence.
"Kathryn, he's tired and probably skipped lunch because he was studying with the Doctor, and -" He broke off as some crewmembers passed by- "-and he was a bit unsure about all this when it finally came time to do it. All that put together and he's having a little rougher go of it than anyone else does."
"How rough?""Nothing too out of line, Kathryn, I promise you. You know I wouldn't do anything to endanger your personal reclamation project."
She gave him an uneasy smile. "Can I see him?"
He motioned for her to proceed him inside his quarters. Tom had neither moved from his spot on the floor nor withdrawn his fingers from the akoonah touchpad. The outward signs of distress continued unabated.
"Chakotay!"
"He'll be okay, Kathryn," he assured her quietly. "I saw something similar once before. Well, not exactly under the same circumstances but there was nothing to worry about then and there isn't now. He'll be fine."
The look on her face indicated she was not convinced. "You will stay here and watch him." It was an order not a request.
"Of course."
"And if he gets any worse-"
"I'll inform the Doctor immediately."
Reluctantly, she nodded and left, forgetting to mention the reason for her visit.
-------
Even from so far away, she, in the deepest of meditations, felt his presence. Cautiously, she reached out to him. Not enough for him to sense her presence as she did his, but just enough to brush his consciousness. She had to be careful. She had to be certain it truly was him before she told the others. After so many misidentifications, she had to know if it was *him* before she told her people. They could not be disappointed again.
-------
'There had to be a way out of here,' Tom assured himself, hurtling head long through the forest. 'There had to be some escape from them.' They were right behind him, he knew they were though refused to glance over his shoulder to check. It partly was to avoid collision with a tree trunk, but mostly out of the fear of actually seeing his pursuers. He had no idea who they were, only that he had to evade them or else suffer dire consequences. That feeling alone was a good enough reason for him at this point.
But Fate had other plans for him. As he dodged yet another Redwood, his toe caught an exposed root and down he went. Before he could scramble to his feet, they were upon him.
That was when he began to scream.
-------
Reclining on the couch, Chakotay nearly had dosed off while reviewing the latest astrometrics reports. The dry, factual data with which Seven had provided him may ha
ve been fascinating for her but he found it to be an excellent barbiturate. 'Have to remember it the next time I've insomnia,' he mused hazily.
Tom's scream drove all of the report's effects away. Chakotay was up and off of the couch in a flash, nearly tripping over the coffee table in his haste. He grabbed the candles before they could tip and was rewarded with hot wax coursing down the back of both of his hands. Trying not to do a little screaming himself, he shoved the injured appendages under his arms and kneeled opposite Tom.
"Bridge to Commander Chakotay."
"Go ahead, Tuvok," he ground out.
"Commander, internal sensors have registered a disturbance in your quarters. Do you need assistance?"
Chakotay's automatic response was to have been in the negative, yet, after taking a visual inventory of Tom, he changed his mind. The young man's hair and clothing was soaked right through. The naturally fair skin was blanched pale as death. The tremors and laboured breathing had ceased so now he was frozen in place, barely breathing.
"Send the Doctor to my quarters with a medkit right away."
Kathryn's worried voice came over the channel. "Chakotay, is Tom-"
"Yes," he cut her off.
"I'm on my way. Bridge out."
-------
The scream frightened her. From the thick branch on which she sat unobserved, she looked down at the incomprehensible melee beneath her. Shadowy forms leapt out from the foliage to swarm the prone figure. To her eyes, they had no discernible features, no arms or legs, no hands or feet. Each was a blur of a shade of grey with a presence so strong she wondered why she had had not felt them before.
To the object of the disturbance, his assailants had more substance. With every demonstration of their tangible anger, she could see him reel as if from physical blows. Her heart went out to him. Even if he was not the one she sought, her innately good nature made her wish she could intervene. The enormity of her mission, her purpose for coming there, her reason for seeking the right man, and her goal for her people prevented all her from moving a nanometre towards him. Determinedly, she forced herself to be detached and focus on her task at hand.
-------
"Report, Doctor," the Captain demanded the moment she entered her First Officer's quarters uninvited.